Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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