God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
