plz talk dirty to me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
