It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
