Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
