Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
