I have demons in me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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