I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
