It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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