I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
