I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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