I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
