Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
