I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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