I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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