Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
