She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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