I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And then he peed in my hair
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