This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
