At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
