glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
