How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
