I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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