I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
