Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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