she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
