My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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