There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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