Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
