she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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