god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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