I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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