Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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