lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
