My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
