tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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