Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
