You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
