party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
