you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Little spoons don't ask big questions
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize