Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
