She is in my trunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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