all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
