Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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