you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
