whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
