hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
honey bunches of taint.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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