I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
