Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
