girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
