I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
