Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
