i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Fuck appropriateness.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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